A Fighter With Nothing To Fight

I am in a time of waiting, not a calm-before-the-storm waiting, but a used-to-living-under-stress-and-now-stress-is-gone waiting. It's a feeling of wondering why I can't think of anything to say when someone asks what is new with me. We aren't moving, my job isn't new anymore, and my kids are in their summer routine. My husband's job, the only soap opera I watch, is, for the moment, without drama. At least, nothing new. After surviving the last five or six years of trials, moving, new jobs, new babies, more possible job loss, more moving, health problems, financial struggles, making it by the skin of our teeth, I'm wondering, what is next? What new crisis will we overcome? Where will we have to go? From which direction will the next tidal wave of change come? And then, what if it doesn't? What will I do in case things stay normal, sane? What will we learn from sitting still here? How will I survive without crisis, a fighter with nothing to fight? In the middle of this feeling, I did my homework for our couple's Bible study on the book of Daniel. The memory verse for the week was Daniel 2:21- "He [God] changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning." I feel like the seasons of my life have been defined by crisis, by cycles of being attacked and overcoming; I spend my periods of calm preparing my armor for the next battle. I know this is not the kind of rest God intends for me. Even if I am choosing restlessness, He has peace waiting for me. Daniel was faced with a king who wanted to literally cut him into pieces for someone else's mistake; he was able to look at what he knew of God, take a deep breath, and say that the times of his life were in God's hands. I am challenging myself to say that now. In my impatience, my restlessness, my cautious and battle-weary waiting, I am going to trust that whatever is next, crisis or even peace, my seasons and times are just what I need. When I have grown used to the struggle, God wants to teach me to really rest in the season he's giving me now, a season of restoration. I don't want to miss what is beautiful about my life right now because I'm still waiting for the next trial. "In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15