Dinner Is Their Love Language

I have determined what my family's love language is, all of them, and it is dinner. That one wasn't on the list in that book I read, but it should be. My kids wake up in the morning asking what is for dinner, and my husband calls home from work to see what is for dinner. The toddler eats two dinners, one while I'm cooking and then another one when he sees what we are all eating. It's the one job I do for my family that garners the most criticism and also the highest accolades. It's the one everyone notices isn't done when I'm sick, or when it's Nutcracker season for my little ballerina, or in our last head lice epidemic, during which I was too busy washing sheets, vacuuming furniture, and combing heads with that horrible, scalp-removing-but-incredibly-effective metal comb to make anything more than frozen ravioli and chicken nuggets. There have been seasons in my life where it was all I could do to just get any kind of edible food on the table and call it good, and seasons where I was excited to try new recipes and make delicious, made-from-scratch crowd-pleasing meals. I am not a gourmet chef of any kind, and my husband has been known to call my food "consistently edible," which he thinks is a great complement. But I have noticed this in all seasons of my 14 year career of cooking family dinners: it is like an anchor for my family throughout their day to know what we will be having for dinner. Even if it is frozen pizza and carrot sticks, they just can get through the day better with that knowledge. So here are my 5 tips for all the families out there whose love language is dinner: 1) Come up with a simple menu for the week and post it where your family can see it. Even if you write "Kid's Choice" or "Frozen Ravioli and Carrots" or "Corn Dogs and Fruit" it gives them something concrete to look forward to. Now, if it's "BBQ Chicken Pizza with Caesar Salad," my family is in a better mood all day, and that's what I strive for. I just use a little whiteboard on the fridge, but you could probably make something cute to display your menu, or even just write it on your calendar on the wall. The important thing is that your family can see it! 2) Make a list of your ingredients for the week, and shop for all those things in one trip. That way, if you need to switch nights because tacos are faster than broccoli beef and you have a busy day ahead, you still have what you need, and you don't end up stopping for fast food. Planning ahead for meals and looking forward to something yummy for dinner (that we all saw on the menu that morning) has kept my family driving past the drive-thru many times. And probably saved us quite a bit of money, too! 3)Plan your time wisely. If you know you only have two hours to be home and have dinner before someone has to be at a game, lesson, activity or work, pick something simple. Or use that amazing Godsend of an invention, the crock pot! Pulled pork sandwiches are a family favorite in our house, and require nothing more than a pork loin and a bottle of sauce sitting in the crock pot for six hours, some buns, and some veggies or a salad. A store-bought pizza crust, some grated cheese, pepperoni, and pizza sauce baked in the oven for 8-10 minutes and served with a bagged salad has everyone eating and happy in less than 20 minutes. But if you have more time, you can make that amazing Chicken Parmesan recipe you have been eying on Pinterest forever. Planning ahead is the key. 4) Know your family's dinner style. We joke that we are raising our kids on bar food. But seriously, when I make some amazing nachos or homemade pizza, or we grill brats on the grill, they cannot be happier. We also make a ton of Mexican food, since we are Southern CA transplants living in the Pacific Northwest, on a continual quest for decent guacamole and carne asada. My brother's family has been raised on curried crab, quinoa meatloaf, and organic fruits and vegetables. I have several friends with dairy and gluten allergies who have to get creative to feed their family. But if you have a pizza and cheeseburger family like I have, don't try to change them into a quinoa meatloaf family. If dinner is their love language, speak love to them. And substitute ground turkey for beef whenever possible. Also, if you eat around the table, or the coffee table, or on a blanket on the floor, as long as you are together and talking, you will have a better shot at enjoying dinnertime with your family. Confession: My husband is so tired when he gets home from his shift that in this season of our lives, we often just circle around the coffee table to eat together with some kind of family movie or baking championship show on the TV. The toddler (I kid you not) sits on a metal tin that popcorn came in many years ago, but it is the perfect height for him to eat at the coffee table as if it is a normal table. I have given up the struggle of trying to always eat at the dinner table like I did growing up, and my family is together, sharing about their day and enjoying their food on actual dishes, with actual cups and silverware. A table is a table. Or a blanket, as the case may be. But we are facing each other, and that's what matters. 5) Spend time looking for meals your family will love. It is not a waste of your time to relax on the couch with a cup of coffee, a new cookbook, and some post-it-notes. Or a magazine. Or even Pinterest, but try to stay focused on your purpose! I love The Pioneer Woman because she cooks food my family will actually eat and enjoy, and her recipes aren't too difficult or time-consuming for this busy working mama of 3. I have a full Pinterest page that I named "Food!", but I do try to print out any recipes that got applause at the table and put them into my cookbook binder. My reason for not relying on my phone or computer to manage all my recipes is this: I want to be able to pass my recipes on to my daughters and son. When they are grown, and they ask, "Where is the recipe for that amazing broccoli beef with noodles that you and Dad used to make?", I don't want to say, "It was on Pinterest, but it's not there anymore," or "there is no more Pinterest." Who knows? But I make several favorite recipes now that were passed down to me, like my Grandma's chocolate chip cookies, and my mom's chicken curry, and I would have missed not having them! So if you can, take some time to collect recipes that look good, that are within your abilities as a cook, and that your family would really love, and actually make them. Be inspired by the pictures, remember that planning what to feed your family is meaningful and important, and you get to put off tackling that mountain of dirty clothes for half an hour! You love your family, I know you do, and planning and cooking meals that will make them feel loved and cared for is just one beautiful way to show them. To get you started, I going to give you two of my fast, favorite, anyone-can-cook recipes that never leave leftovers (sad, because I would love to eat them again at work tomorrow!). Each serves a family of 4-5. Shredded Chicken Pasta (Not a great name; if you come up with a better one, let me know.) You need: 4 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded, 1 24 oz. jar marinara sauce, 1 15 oz. jar alfredo sauce, 1 8 oz. jar basil pesto sauce, and 1-2 boxes pasta, cooked according to the directions (any shape is fine, but we prefer bowtie). 2 boxes make this recipe stretch to feed 8 or so people without making extra sauce. You just serve a little less sauce on each serving of noodles. In a large pan, combine shredded chicken and all three sauces. Stir to combine. You can add a little garlic powder, salt, oregano, or pepper, but it isn't really necessary. Heat until just bubbly. Serve over cooked noodles with a side of garlic bread, salad, or both if you're really feeling fancy. Ranch Tacos You need: 1 package ground turkey, 1 can black beans, 1/2 of a chopped onion (optional), 1 package ranch seasoning, 1 package chicken taco seasoning, 1 box of 12 crunchy taco shells, and taco fixings: grated cheese, sour cream, shredded lettuce, hot sauce, cilantro, etc. In a large pan, brown turkey and onion, if using. Add beans, both seasoning packets, and 1/2 a cup of water. Cook for a few more minutes until beans are hot. Bake taco shells according to directions, usually at 350 for 8 minutes. Serve meat mixture in shells and top with whatever toppings you like. Serve with sides of rice and corn. Enjoy loving your family at dinnertime, and let me know how you like our family's favorite foods! Or share a fast favorite of your own!