Allowing Him to Decompress

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4 “Better to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21:9 I have been back at work for about eight months now as I write this, and have learned well the ups and downs of being a working mom. If you are a mom who works outside the home, you will understand when I say that it is a good day indeed when everyone gets out the door on time with breakfast in their tummies and no one has been driven to screaming, Mom included. I have forgotten to send lunch (oh, I packed it, but it never made it out of the fridge), or homework (still sitting on the kitchen table), or the picture day form (that’s why there is a make-up picture day, right?), but somehow, we press on. Some days I do my makeup in the car, and some days my breakfast is a handful of Wheat Thins. But when I come home, everyone runs to the door, and small voices squeal my name: “Mama! It’s Mama!” My little girls leap onto me like monkeys onto a tree, and I drag them into the kitchen so I can throw my things down and hug them properly. I give my sweetheart a hug and a kiss, because he is on day shift right now and is there to pick the kids up from school and make dinner, and I gratefully sit for a minute, eating and listening to everyone tell about their day. Then my real job begins: help with homework, clean up dinner, do some laundry, pack lunches, give baths and read stories, brush teeth and tuck sleepy little girls into bed, sing a song, make time to snuggle with my honey and have a bowl of popcorn or a cup of tea, and finally drag my own sleepy body off to bed so I can start over again tomorrow. I’m grateful that I have a desk job, since my sitting at home is limited to the time it takes to consume one bowl of popcorn. If you are a woman who does not work outside of your home, you are no less busy, I know. We never stop, do we? There is always something to be done, since we never leave our workplace. Our husbands are different, you may have noticed. They need to leave work at work, for sanity reasons. They need a separation between who they have to be as enforcers of the law and who they need to be as husbands and fathers. It is crucial that we give our husbands the time, space, and permission to unwind and decompress after work so they can be re-energized to to spend time with us and our families. They need to feel that they have our blessing to spend time away from us with their friends as well. Just as it is wise to let some of the steam out of a pot before you remove the lid completely, your man needs to blow off some steam before he can deal with his family, or someone may get burned. This does not mean you must tiptoe around your husband as though he is a bomb about to go off, but it does mean you need to be considerate. I recently read an article linking (not shockingly) divorce rates with early marriage behaviors and habits. The article showed that couples who were attentive to each other’s needs (even small needs, like offering a glass of water) were still together years later, whereas the couples who did not take the time to meet those small needs were divorced after just a few years. It stands to reason: If you cannot trust your spouse to meet your ordinary, everyday needs with compassion and attentiveness, why would you trust them with anything bigger or more important? Think about what your man would like to come home to, and then try to make your home a sanctuary for him, a safe place to rest and be restored.