8 Ways to Encourage A Friend

I have a toddler at home, which means that even though I have two school-aged children who can care for themselves, pack their own lunches, and remember their ballet and basketball practices without being reminded, my brain is still fully occupied with potty training, remembering all the character's names from Paw Patrol and their functions, and waking up three times a night because someone needs a granola bar or their favorite spatula fell out of the bed. So when one of my friends is struggling, it's tempting to just avoid them, not because I don't care, but because I'm so tired that I don't feel like I have anything to offer. That being said, I am very much an extrovert who needs my friends. I love the solid friendships I have intentionally sought out, nurtured, and treasured! I don't take my friendships for granted, having been through some deep periods of loneliness at different times in my life. I want to give encouragement back, but how? If any of these sounds like you, raise your hand: Just moved away from home for college, or just home after college? Just moved to a new city, state, or country? Joined a new church? Had a baby before any of your other friends? Had a baby after all of your friends were finished having babies? in the fog of just driving kids to school and activities, wondering when you will ever feel like yourself and not just a chauffeur? Whatever it is, you may feel like you don't have much to give others. Life is just taking it out of you right now. You, sweet one, are not alone. And God still wants hope, support, and friendship for you, even in this place; you were not designed to do it alone. So when you finally do reach out to friends, how can you give anything back? Here are some practical overtures of friendship you can offer even when you have nothing to give! 1) Invite a friend over for dinner when your husband is on the night shift. Even if it is PB and J sandwiches. Eating a meal together and chatting, even while kids play, always reminds me how much I love my friends! 2) Pray with your friends and for them. I pray for my friends as I do my everyday tasks, just as they come to mind. If you are my friend, I have prayed for you as I folded laundry, made dinner, swept floors, or waited for kids after school. And if you ask me to pray for you in general, I've probably just grabbed your hands right there and prayed. That's because I have a toddler. If I don't do it now, I'll forget. The people in the grocery store probably don't care. 3) Offer to watch their kids. Your kids get a playdate out of it, or at least babysitting practice. You get to offer a friend some much-needed peace and quiet, or a date night with her husband, or just getting groceries by herself (moms, you all know that's practically a vacation!). And maybe, just maybe, she'll offer to watch yours sometime, too! But that's beside the point. 4) Invite your friend to bring her kids over. Eat together, or just play. My friend and I recently got together to eat dinner at her house and I brought a quilt I was working on to sew. She got out some sewing, too, and we just talked forever. It was lovely, and our kids had a great time, too! 5) Bring your friend a treat. Maybe a few cookies from a batch you made, or a little candy bar or a new flavor of tea with a little note on it saying you were thinking of her! Something small or homemade doesn't take much from you but is just perfect for saying "I'm thinking of you." It goes along with "You are not alone!" and "I'm praying for you!" 6) Write your friend a note of encouragement. Not a long one, but one that communicates any of the above messages. My secret sister at work wrote me some very sweet little notes, and I kept them all, because they made me feel so special, noticed, and loved! Make that difference to someone you care for! A text works, too! I love the texts I get from friends that are accompanied by funny memes or encouraging images with Scripture verses. 7) Give hand-me-downs! Some people don't do this, but I love giving and getting bags of clothes and toys from friends! If I can pass something on that still has a good life left to someone who will enjoy it, I feel much better about that than throwing it away, and I have received some very cute things for my kids and I to wear, play with, and enjoy. Also, the people you give to and the people who give to you are rarely the same, so you can keep the chain of sharing and blessing going! 8) Do a low/no cost ladies' night at your house for your friends. That way they can get to know and enjoy each other! Have a movie/ popcorn party, a grown-up coloring book night, a yoga night, or just a dinner where everyone brings a part. Don't worry about the house being spotless, and please don't worry about decorations or fancy treats. You are reaching out because you are friendship-starved! Save the fancy stuff for a different season in life, and for now let the friends be the focus! Encouragement is about hope. Take time to fill your friends with hope in any little way you can, and you will certainly be encouraged yourself. My hope for you, right now, is that someone comes to your mind who you are in the perfect position to encourage, and that you find some way to bring them hope this week.

Where I See Mess, She Sees Love

My almost-twelve-year-old daughter, poetry in her soul just like her mama, was orbiting me with her dinner dishes as I cleaned up the kitchen. I asked her to put them in the dishwasher, saying totally unnecessarily and a little short tempered at the end of the day, "Can you see how I am trying to clean up the kitchen?" She paused mid-ballet-twirl and actually looked around the kitchen for a moment. The following observations, a combination of Sherlock Holmes and Emily Bronte, nearly brought me to tears at this girl-nearly-woman who once told me I smelled like "makeup and pretty mama." "This kitchen is pretty neat, Mom. The iced tea glass, the stack of old family cookbooks from Great Grandma, and the little plant show that you are a sweet kind of lady. All of the kid art shows that you love your family. The baseball cap on the counter shows that we have a fun dad who likes sports. All the pictures on the fridge and the big empty Pyrex bowls show that we have lots of friends, because those dishes were full of food and now they have to go back to the friends who made treats for us. There are lots of dishes in the sink, which means a big family lives here. The pots on the stove show that we ate a yummy dinner together, at home. The empty milk jug means there are growing kids. The high school picture of you and daddy shows that you have stayed together. The rubber bands and beads show that you do fun crafts with your kids. This is a lovely kitchen, Mom. There is lots of love in here." Oh my goodness, how did I miss what is so easy for her to see? Mess means life. Mess means we were together today, at least long enough to make some dirty dishes. I'm sorry I don't see the blessings through the mess often enough. But I am so deeply thankful that my kids see the love.

A Prayer for the Grieving Wife

For the grieving woman whose husband fell in the line of duty in the county next to mine, this is my prayer. And for so many others, promises for the future cut short in one moment, and now having to go forward alone with a folded flag and a broken heart, this is for you, too. I cannot imagine how you hurt, but I am crying out to God on your behalf. God of all comfort, wrap your arms around this sweet woman, find her in the middle of her pain and hold her, comfort her with your incredible peace. Help her to get the sleep she needs tonight, the rest she needs for her body to get up and go on with life even as her soul rages against the hurt. Help her to know she is not alone, that you never abandon her and that she can lean into you for all she needs. Place so many brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, and dear friends around her that although her best friend on earth has been taken, she can go on and live knowing that she is loved. Meet her immediate needs for finances, for sorting through the necessary paperwork and benefits, for clarity and wisdom in understanding the steps that need to be taken. Guard her heart and mind against fear and anxiety, and protect her from being overwhelmed by the future. Help her to see you are her strong tower, her refuge,and the strength she needs to stand in the days to come. For her family, the little boys who are now without their earthly dad, place people around them to be your hands and feet, Jesus. Place strong men in their lives who will wrestle, run, and chase with them, who will show them what it means to be godly, upright, faithful men, and may they always know you are with them and never leave them alone. Lord, may your love pour out on this dear woman so that she may look back on this time and see your grace and mercy in every moment; in every tear she sheds, in every meal brought and every hug received, may she feel your presence. Lord, restore her joy, and redeem her pain. Let her not suffer for nothing, but let the experience of loss make her even more compassionate and a comforter to others, as one who knows that you can heal broken hearts, and may it deepen the beauty she already possesses as your precious daughter. "But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy." Proverbs 5:11. It seems unthinkable that this grieving wife could sing joyful songs again, but you are a God who restores what is broken, and you promise that after pain, joy will come. Help her heart to cling to your promises even through her hurt, her anger, and her deep sadness. Help her rejoice in your love and faithfulness once again. In the name of Jesus, Amen

Cultivating Hope

I couldn't take it one more day. Each time I looked out onto the back patio, the dead, rotting leaves, slimy brown witch-hair-looking grasses and fallen tree branches from the winter's storms reminded me that I have been so caught up with my new teaching job that I have left certain areas of my life to fall into disrepair. My family still gets my love, but some days it's all I can do to just get dinner on the table, snuggle on the couch for a few minutes, and then fall unconscious into my bed to do it all again the next day. The dust bunnies are collecting out of reach under the tables and couch, reminding me of how long it's been since I really deep-cleaned when I fish out a toy car or ball out along with a wad of dust and lint so big we should name it and feed it. I used to be better at this, I tell myself. This is a busy season of learning a new job, researching, lesson planning, wanting to be good at what I do. It's okay, it will get better. But sometimes I need to make a difference I can see right away; today it was that atrocious back patio garden. I grabbed my gloves, a huge plastic tub, and worship music on my headphones, and hit it. The slimy mess I was suddenly in up to my elbows had the smell of moldy vegetables and looked even worse. I pulled out handful after smelly handful of rotting grasses, growing surer by the minute that I was probably going to need to dig out the offending plant and start over in the spring with something new. However, when I had removed the dead mass of stringy, rotting leaves, underneath and just barely peeking out of the winter soil were the fresh new shoots that were just waiting to get a little light and air. The immediate correlation to my tired, winter-weary body and tangled-up mind was so clear and sweet, and coincided perfectly with the song resounding in my head from the earbuds: "Come alive, come alive." My eyes, ears, and heart came together to wrap me in this perfect sense of wholeness, of beauty in my story and what God is doing in my life. He is ready to strip away the weariness, the anxiety of not being good enough, the wondering what will be next. He is pulling out the dead and tired and faded pieces of me and reviving the joy, the passion, the excitement in fulfilling a purpose. He is doing a new thing in my heart. He is not interested in throwing me away and starting again with something new; He is making me new. Like many of you, I am choosing a word that will be my theme for the year in my Bible studies and prayer, and I believe I have settled on "cultivate." I am ready to allow God to cultivate in me the fruit of His Spirit, like love, joy, peace, and patience. I am ready to cultivate an attitude of worship in my daily life, and habits that support that, like reading (or listening, thanks to my Bible app) my Bible daily, and listening to praise music on my way home from work to put me in a better frame of mind to care for my family. My hope for you this year is that you will allow God to work in the garden of your heart, to cultivate something beautiful out of whatever tangled mess, like mine, that you have to start with. He is ready to renew and restore you to your intended beauty, as his beloved. "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:4 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18