Other Interests

I have found, and I'm sure you have too, or soon will, that it is crucial to the health of your marriage to have other interests. Hobbies, activities, friends (same sex, please, for your jealous spouse's sake), things you do that can exist in your life apart from your beloved. When I was a newlywed, although we had dated for seven years before we got married (we began dating at 15), I still cherished the assumption that married life would be mostly about spending time together. We would sit on the couch and watch movies together, eat romantic dinners by candlelight, walk hand in hand on the beach as the sun set... you get the picture. Even people with nine-to-five jobs don't really live that way, but you see, I married a cop. I had to get used to not seeing him except in passing for days at a time as our work shifts orbited each other, never to touch. I had to make dinner for two, but eat alone, saving his portion in Pyrex for later. And so the other interests developed, really out of desperation. Scrapbooking came first, but it exhausts me now to even think about how far behind I am. Next came quilting, because I had babies, and they needed blankets. That one stuck, since it was so useful. I also love to read, and that will stay with me forever! Being a kindergarten room volunteer and involved in our church have helped me use my time to help others, and not just entertain myself. But cataloging my life aside, what I want to say is that I could not expect my husband, who works twelve hours a day, to be my everything. It was too much pressure. I honor him as my husband, yes, but then I need to release him from the responsibility of having to make all my decisions, entertain me, and listen to my every thought. I needed to develop other interests to create healthy space in my marriage. But then I drop everything and hurry home, because it is 3pm and that's when he wakes up, and I don't want to miss that.