Finding Real Friends

Let's face it, we need each other right now. It feeds my soul to sit down with a good friend and a cup of coffee, and just share life. My worries over where our world is headed, my questions about how to deal with the newest stage of my children's lives, or what color I should paint my kitchen, from big to small, monumental to incidental, I need a friend to share them with. My husband can't be my only friend, even though he is my best one! Also, he does not care about kitchen colors! My friendships ebb and flow with the seasons of my life; some friends are there to stay through it all, and some are just for a season. Right now I seem to be making new friends every time I turn around, which is really fun! But is there more to it than that? How can you create an intentional group of women who can do more than just chat about kitchen colors, a group that can share the really deep things and connect on a heart level? I like to begin by thinking through my friends and asking, who can I trust? Who doesn't share the secrets of others with me? (Which implies that they would not share my secrets with others!) Who has a desire to connect? Some people are fun to talk to, but don't really want to share anything deeper. That's okay, and maybe you should include them anyway and give them a chance to open up. And who makes me want to be a better person, who I believe will not push our time into gossiping or husband-bashing? Who do I see around me who might need this group even more than I do? Who needs to be drawn in? Next, what can you do together that will facilitate sharing and deeper conversation? I am a hands-on person, and enjoy trading parenting tips, marriage stories, and life wisdom over a pottery-painting session, mosaic-making evening, beading class, or sewing time. One evening, our church gathered women together and provided us with fleece blanket kits to make together for foster children. We cut the fringe and tied all those tiny knots, talking and making friends in small groups as we worked on our blankets, and thinking about the precious children who would receive them. A friend I connected with during that evening became my my biggest cheerleader and mentor on my book-writing adventure. Another time, I gathered a group of police wives from our department at a local bead store and we created blue beaded bracelets we could wear in honor of our husbands, with charms on them that had words like "courage," "integrity," and "strength." We shared a lot of police wife stories, advice, and encouragement over that table, and we all left feeling like our burdens were a bit lighter now that we had shared them with women who understood. You may not enjoy doing crafts, and just want to get friends together over a yummy informal dinner of delicious appetizer foods that everyone brings, or have after-dinner snacks around a backyard fire pit, or go for a long walk in a group, or sit around the playroom or playground once a week while the little ones play in the middle. No matter what you do, make it intentional that there will be no badmouthing allowed, and let the good talks roll. Who can you draw into your circle of friends today? What kinds of things will your group do together? How often will you meet? All that is up to you. But begin today, and soon you will see around you a group of women you can count on, share life with, and be thankful for. Real friends. Isn't that what we all need right now?