Do's and Don't's of Police Wife Friendships

Being a very outgoing person, I have had my share of great relationships and also some not-so-great relationships. Here are some guidelines based on what I have learned, to help you keep your relationships healthy and encouraging. I wish I could say I always stick to them, but these are best-case scenario. Do your best, and avoid the drama that negativity, gossip, and neglect of your marriage can cause! 1) Don't be a complainer, and don't entertain complainers. Complainers just want to whine and don't want to think about how to fix the problem. Vent for a minute and then look for solutions. Be a positive influence on each other! 2) Do discuss department problems to alert each other to possible danger or to understand what is happening to your husband at work, but don't be a gossip, spreading hearsay just for the sake of drama. 3) Don't husband-bash. Sharing a funny story or asking for advice, help, or prayer for a particular problem is one thing, but trashing your man to someone else (who is probably the wife of his friend) is not appropriate, and very dishonoring. 4) Do your best to be at home when your husband is home, and encourage your friends to do the same. Shifts come and go, and there will be time to spend with your friends that doesn't overlap into family time. Boys' Night Out and Girls' Night Out are the exceptions! 5) Do look for interests or hobbies that you can do together. My friend Nancy and I help each other organize closets, kid's clothes, etc. or watch movies while our husbands are working, in addition to sharing recipes, craft ideas, and sewing projects. 6) Encourage each other to work through the difficulties of life instead of walking away from them. Sometimes you just need to hear someone say, "This is hard. But you can work through it! And you are not alone!" Also remember, some relationships are there so that you can build the other person up, even when they have nothing to offer you. Step out and be a friend, but keep to the guidelines as well. Maintain a balance in your life of friends who pull from you and friends who fill you up. And let God use you in your relationships to draw others to him!

A Woman of Valor

Sometimes, when it feels as though I am just getting through each day, not really going anywhere but just getting by, I need to read something that will jolt me out of my routine and get me fired up again. This book did it for me; the fire is lit and I am ready again to do battle for God where I am, with who I am and what I have been given. The book is "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore, and here are a few of my favorite fire-igniting quotes so far: "You are a God-clothed woman of valor and you have the privilege to wear divine strength like a garment." (That one I want on my mirror so I can see it every morning!) "Pride is dignity's counterfeit." "Our culture has done us no greater injustice than training us to avoid taking responsibility for our own issues...They have hijacked our healing. A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away." "If you know Jesus Christ personally, He has chosen you, too, and has appointed you to accomplish something good. Something that matters. Something prepared for you before time began (Ephesians 2:10). Something meant to have a serious impact within your sphere of influence." So please, don't stay in that place of stagnation, but move, get fired up about something that matters, something with eternal significance. Because it might be your time to speak, to mend, to help the people around you heal. Even just by being who you are, where you are, with what you have. You are clothed with strength and dignity, you beautiful daughter of the King. You are a woman of valor.

Chapter 7 excerpt: "Taking Time Away"

When you are choosing a spot for your family vacation, I recommend finding a place that not only appeals to your whole family, but that is somehow special to you, that you can return to year after year. Some people long for the adventure of the unknown, but to us, in a very uncertain life, it seems comforting to be able to return to a place and have it remain largely unchanged. For my husband’s family, that place is Yosemite National Park. They hike the trails, take in the majestic views, ride bikes around the park, eat in the same restaurants, and take their picture in the same crack in the rock every year. My husband and his siblings love to look back at the pictures and reminisce as they have grown older, and all have returned with their own families. That continues to be a special place to our family, not just because of its awe-inspiring natural beauty, but because my husband is a more relaxed, joyful, and wonder-filled version of himself in the place where he had so many happy childhood memories. He said he can’t go there and look up at the granite cliffs without thinking of how powerful and majestic God is, like Psalm 90:2, “Before the mountains were born or You brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting You are God.” For me, you may have guessed, that place is the Oregon Coast. The dunes, the chilly water, the smooth stones, the vastness of the ocean, they feed my soul; they fulfill a longing in this rambling, world-traveled missionary child’s heart for a true home. I am reminded that “If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast,” Psalm 139:9-10. When I look out over that broad, silver ocean, with small hands clasping my own, anchoring me to earth, and smaller, purer hearts shrieking with sheer delight at the tiny breakers rushing over their feet, I am rooted again in the delight of the moment, reminded again that life can be simple and lovely and full of wonder. So pack your bags. Make your reservations, buy your tickets, or just get in the car and go. Find a hand to hold and something to laugh about and make your memories. Fill your reservoir with joy for the dry times, fill it full, and store up those sweet moments, because we all need to be reminded who we were before life got so crazy, so busy, so complicated. Fall in love with your spouse all over again, laugh with your family over something silly, sit around a fire and talk until the embers die down to a low, friendly glow. And then treasure these things in your heart.