For The Weary

We had our first frost last night, and I caught a glimpse of my poor, frigid marigolds as I came home from an errand. I had grown them in my new garden beds that my husband built for me during quarantine, and they flourished in the sun and good soil of the backyard. I've never been able to grow such dense, full, healthy flowers before, and when my peonies were spent in the front porch garden, I carefully transplanted two of the largest marigold plants into pots and set them out on my porch to keep some of that summery beauty. Well, it has been pretty cold the last couple of weeks, and my glorious marigolds were beginning to look a bit sad. I realized that even these cheerful plants that lasted far longer than I'd expected have probably come to the end of their season. But I noticed something else, too. They still have new, unopened flower buds all over, as if they were not expecting their end, and were intent on producing new beauty right up until the last moment. I am an elementary school teacher. Just as for most professions, this has been an incredibly tough season, so tough that I didn't even want to write about it. It just hurts to continually bump into the limitations and restrictions Covid has placed on what I hoped to offer my students and their families, on what I have come to expect of myself, and what I wanted to accomplish. I am weary. I am sad. Do you feel this way, too? Are you hurt, disappointed, exhausted by what each day demands and sad about what you cannot give someone you love? As in every difficult season of my life, I have wallpapered my bathroom mirror with verses, and here is one I have clung to especially tightly through this season of Covid, quarantine, and trying to still do my job: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9. I pray this verse daily over my work, over my mothering, over my marriage. "Dear Lord, I don't want to give my loved ones the crumbs. I want to offer them the best of me, but I can't seem to get a grip on that right now. Help me to give what I have, and You will make it enough, Lord. Let me just do the next thing with love and faithfulness. I know there will be a harvest for what you are planting through me, even if the seeds I can plant seem so few and insufficient. You are never insufficient, God, and you are making something beautiful out of this time. Keep me from giving up. Amen." You may be weary, hurting, fed up with all of this. But cling to Jesus. Keep on reading His Word and looking for verses to write down and tape to your mirror. Lean on Him with all that you have left, and don't give up. You will reap a harvest, it will be beautiful, and you will know you never walked alone. Keep on persistently, hopefully, faithfully putting out new buds, intent on producing new beauty. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

New Book Release: The Happy Police Wife

I'm so excited to announce that my book, The Happy Police Wife: A Heart at Peace is now available for purchase on Amazon! Kindle and paperback versions are available. Thank you so much for reading my stories over the years. I couldn't have done this without your support, your encouragement, your input, and your reminders that we are not in this law enforcement life alone. Pick up two copies- one for you and one for a friend who needs some encouragement today! https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Police-Wife-Heart-Peace/dp/B088N51C3G/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=

When I Just Want More

On my way home today, the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said in bold capital letters, "WANT LESS." In fact, they had a ton of bumper stickers, promoting peace, love, and you can guess the rest. But all the way home I thought about WANT LESS. I knew what they meant, that if we desire less material possessions and are content with what we have, we will buy less, put less of a strain on the environment, avoid greed and a consumer mentality, create a smaller carbon footprint, and eventually find ourselves living a simpler and supposedly happier life. I don't buy it. I want more, no matter what I try to tell myself. More, more, more, the little girl inside this grown woman screams! I want more fun, more rest, more time with friends, more time with my family, more time to read, newer clothes, a cleaner house, a better car, more guacamole and tortilla chips! I am positive that there is a shrieking little girl inside you, too, but you might be better at keeping yours quiet than I am. What does she want? Why won't she stop yelling? Maybe she thought being a grown-up, being a mom, having a job, being married would be different than it is. And how much guacamole does it take to make her happy? I have not figured that out yet. It's never enough, just like everything else. So how can we have more, more, more? I'm never going to want less; let's just embrace that truth right now. I am teaching preschool these days, and my students love the song "River of Life." It has everything they want: yelling, jumping, hand motions. We sing it several times a day, and one thing they wanted to know right away was the meaning of "abundantly." I told them it means having more than you need. God gives us life abundantly; He gives us much more than we need. This is what my angry little inner preschooler needs to hear. God promises me more than I need; he wants to bless me! "How abundant are the good things that You have stored up for those who fear You, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you." Psalm 31:19 "They celebrate Your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness." Psalm 145:7 "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8 God loves to bless, to equip, to load up his children with more than they need. He loves it! He is the God of more. My heart longs for more in my life because what I can get for myself will never be enough. I'm not holding my breath for the new car or personal guacamole chef to follow me around (seriously, if I win the lottery that I never play, that's the first thing), but I know God has poured out bucketfuls of peace on me lately. He has made sure I have more energy for my family when I get home from work. He has given me cartloads of patience to wait for things I need. His blessings are more than enough, and make what I have in the moment more than I could have imagined. Psalm 128:1-2 says "Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to Him. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours." God, help me to remember that you are always the more that I long for.

8 Ways to Encourage A Friend

I have a toddler at home, which means that even though I have two school-aged children who can care for themselves, pack their own lunches, and remember their ballet and basketball practices without being reminded, my brain is still fully occupied with potty training, remembering all the character's names from Paw Patrol and their functions, and waking up three times a night because someone needs a granola bar or their favorite spatula fell out of the bed. So when one of my friends is struggling, it's tempting to just avoid them, not because I don't care, but because I'm so tired that I don't feel like I have anything to offer. That being said, I am very much an extrovert who needs my friends. I love the solid friendships I have intentionally sought out, nurtured, and treasured! I don't take my friendships for granted, having been through some deep periods of loneliness at different times in my life. I want to give encouragement back, but how? If any of these sounds like you, raise your hand: Just moved away from home for college, or just home after college? Just moved to a new city, state, or country? Joined a new church? Had a baby before any of your other friends? Had a baby after all of your friends were finished having babies? in the fog of just driving kids to school and activities, wondering when you will ever feel like yourself and not just a chauffeur? Whatever it is, you may feel like you don't have much to give others. Life is just taking it out of you right now. You, sweet one, are not alone. And God still wants hope, support, and friendship for you, even in this place; you were not designed to do it alone. So when you finally do reach out to friends, how can you give anything back? Here are some practical overtures of friendship you can offer even when you have nothing to give! 1) Invite a friend over for dinner when your husband is on the night shift. Even if it is PB and J sandwiches. Eating a meal together and chatting, even while kids play, always reminds me how much I love my friends! 2) Pray with your friends and for them. I pray for my friends as I do my everyday tasks, just as they come to mind. If you are my friend, I have prayed for you as I folded laundry, made dinner, swept floors, or waited for kids after school. And if you ask me to pray for you in general, I've probably just grabbed your hands right there and prayed. That's because I have a toddler. If I don't do it now, I'll forget. The people in the grocery store probably don't care. 3) Offer to watch their kids. Your kids get a playdate out of it, or at least babysitting practice. You get to offer a friend some much-needed peace and quiet, or a date night with her husband, or just getting groceries by herself (moms, you all know that's practically a vacation!). And maybe, just maybe, she'll offer to watch yours sometime, too! But that's beside the point. 4) Invite your friend to bring her kids over. Eat together, or just play. My friend and I recently got together to eat dinner at her house and I brought a quilt I was working on to sew. She got out some sewing, too, and we just talked forever. It was lovely, and our kids had a great time, too! 5) Bring your friend a treat. Maybe a few cookies from a batch you made, or a little candy bar or a new flavor of tea with a little note on it saying you were thinking of her! Something small or homemade doesn't take much from you but is just perfect for saying "I'm thinking of you." It goes along with "You are not alone!" and "I'm praying for you!" 6) Write your friend a note of encouragement. Not a long one, but one that communicates any of the above messages. My secret sister at work wrote me some very sweet little notes, and I kept them all, because they made me feel so special, noticed, and loved! Make that difference to someone you care for! A text works, too! I love the texts I get from friends that are accompanied by funny memes or encouraging images with Scripture verses. 7) Give hand-me-downs! Some people don't do this, but I love giving and getting bags of clothes and toys from friends! If I can pass something on that still has a good life left to someone who will enjoy it, I feel much better about that than throwing it away, and I have received some very cute things for my kids and I to wear, play with, and enjoy. Also, the people you give to and the people who give to you are rarely the same, so you can keep the chain of sharing and blessing going! 8) Do a low/no cost ladies' night at your house for your friends. That way they can get to know and enjoy each other! Have a movie/ popcorn party, a grown-up coloring book night, a yoga night, or just a dinner where everyone brings a part. Don't worry about the house being spotless, and please don't worry about decorations or fancy treats. You are reaching out because you are friendship-starved! Save the fancy stuff for a different season in life, and for now let the friends be the focus! Encouragement is about hope. Take time to fill your friends with hope in any little way you can, and you will certainly be encouraged yourself. My hope for you, right now, is that someone comes to your mind who you are in the perfect position to encourage, and that you find some way to bring them hope this week.

Where I See Mess, She Sees Love

My almost-twelve-year-old daughter, poetry in her soul just like her mama, was orbiting me with her dinner dishes as I cleaned up the kitchen. I asked her to put them in the dishwasher, saying totally unnecessarily and a little short tempered at the end of the day, "Can you see how I am trying to clean up the kitchen?" She paused mid-ballet-twirl and actually looked around the kitchen for a moment. The following observations, a combination of Sherlock Holmes and Emily Bronte, nearly brought me to tears at this girl-nearly-woman who once told me I smelled like "makeup and pretty mama." "This kitchen is pretty neat, Mom. The iced tea glass, the stack of old family cookbooks from Great Grandma, and the little plant show that you are a sweet kind of lady. All of the kid art shows that you love your family. The baseball cap on the counter shows that we have a fun dad who likes sports. All the pictures on the fridge and the big empty Pyrex bowls show that we have lots of friends, because those dishes were full of food and now they have to go back to the friends who made treats for us. There are lots of dishes in the sink, which means a big family lives here. The pots on the stove show that we ate a yummy dinner together, at home. The empty milk jug means there are growing kids. The high school picture of you and daddy shows that you have stayed together. The rubber bands and beads show that you do fun crafts with your kids. This is a lovely kitchen, Mom. There is lots of love in here." Oh my goodness, how did I miss what is so easy for her to see? Mess means life. Mess means we were together today, at least long enough to make some dirty dishes. I'm sorry I don't see the blessings through the mess often enough. But I am so deeply thankful that my kids see the love.

A Prayer for the Grieving Wife

For the grieving woman whose husband fell in the line of duty in the county next to mine, this is my prayer. And for so many others, promises for the future cut short in one moment, and now having to go forward alone with a folded flag and a broken heart, this is for you, too. I cannot imagine how you hurt, but I am crying out to God on your behalf. God of all comfort, wrap your arms around this sweet woman, find her in the middle of her pain and hold her, comfort her with your incredible peace. Help her to get the sleep she needs tonight, the rest she needs for her body to get up and go on with life even as her soul rages against the hurt. Help her to know she is not alone, that you never abandon her and that she can lean into you for all she needs. Place so many brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, and dear friends around her that although her best friend on earth has been taken, she can go on and live knowing that she is loved. Meet her immediate needs for finances, for sorting through the necessary paperwork and benefits, for clarity and wisdom in understanding the steps that need to be taken. Guard her heart and mind against fear and anxiety, and protect her from being overwhelmed by the future. Help her to see you are her strong tower, her refuge,and the strength she needs to stand in the days to come. For her family, the little boys who are now without their earthly dad, place people around them to be your hands and feet, Jesus. Place strong men in their lives who will wrestle, run, and chase with them, who will show them what it means to be godly, upright, faithful men, and may they always know you are with them and never leave them alone. Lord, may your love pour out on this dear woman so that she may look back on this time and see your grace and mercy in every moment; in every tear she sheds, in every meal brought and every hug received, may she feel your presence. Lord, restore her joy, and redeem her pain. Let her not suffer for nothing, but let the experience of loss make her even more compassionate and a comforter to others, as one who knows that you can heal broken hearts, and may it deepen the beauty she already possesses as your precious daughter. "But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy." Proverbs 5:11. It seems unthinkable that this grieving wife could sing joyful songs again, but you are a God who restores what is broken, and you promise that after pain, joy will come. Help her heart to cling to your promises even through her hurt, her anger, and her deep sadness. Help her rejoice in your love and faithfulness once again. In the name of Jesus, Amen

Cultivating Hope

I couldn't take it one more day. Each time I looked out onto the back patio, the dead, rotting leaves, slimy brown witch-hair-looking grasses and fallen tree branches from the winter's storms reminded me that I have been so caught up with my new teaching job that I have left certain areas of my life to fall into disrepair. My family still gets my love, but some days it's all I can do to just get dinner on the table, snuggle on the couch for a few minutes, and then fall unconscious into my bed to do it all again the next day. The dust bunnies are collecting out of reach under the tables and couch, reminding me of how long it's been since I really deep-cleaned when I fish out a toy car or ball out along with a wad of dust and lint so big we should name it and feed it. I used to be better at this, I tell myself. This is a busy season of learning a new job, researching, lesson planning, wanting to be good at what I do. It's okay, it will get better. But sometimes I need to make a difference I can see right away; today it was that atrocious back patio garden. I grabbed my gloves, a huge plastic tub, and worship music on my headphones, and hit it. The slimy mess I was suddenly in up to my elbows had the smell of moldy vegetables and looked even worse. I pulled out handful after smelly handful of rotting grasses, growing surer by the minute that I was probably going to need to dig out the offending plant and start over in the spring with something new. However, when I had removed the dead mass of stringy, rotting leaves, underneath and just barely peeking out of the winter soil were the fresh new shoots that were just waiting to get a little light and air. The immediate correlation to my tired, winter-weary body and tangled-up mind was so clear and sweet, and coincided perfectly with the song resounding in my head from the earbuds: "Come alive, come alive." My eyes, ears, and heart came together to wrap me in this perfect sense of wholeness, of beauty in my story and what God is doing in my life. He is ready to strip away the weariness, the anxiety of not being good enough, the wondering what will be next. He is pulling out the dead and tired and faded pieces of me and reviving the joy, the passion, the excitement in fulfilling a purpose. He is doing a new thing in my heart. He is not interested in throwing me away and starting again with something new; He is making me new. Like many of you, I am choosing a word that will be my theme for the year in my Bible studies and prayer, and I believe I have settled on "cultivate." I am ready to allow God to cultivate in me the fruit of His Spirit, like love, joy, peace, and patience. I am ready to cultivate an attitude of worship in my daily life, and habits that support that, like reading (or listening, thanks to my Bible app) my Bible daily, and listening to praise music on my way home from work to put me in a better frame of mind to care for my family. My hope for you this year is that you will allow God to work in the garden of your heart, to cultivate something beautiful out of whatever tangled mess, like mine, that you have to start with. He is ready to renew and restore you to your intended beauty, as his beloved. "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:4 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Not Too Busy: A Girls' Night How-To

We are a month into the graveyard shift, a time which can be intensely lonely. Some days I don't see my love at all, aside from the silhouette that comes into our room in the dark early morning and starts ripping apart velcro and tossing boots against the wall in his exhaustion and hurry to get to sleep himself. I have a default setting of "hunker down" during this time- with a toddler and two elementary kids, just going to get groceries sucks the life out of me, so thinking up fun outings to do without my parental backup seems like insanity. But we all need some fun, some friendship, something bright and happy to look forward to during the week, all of us, so before this shift change, I laid out a plan. I called it "Not Too Busy," because that is what I need to be. Not too busy with work, school, kids' activities to set aside some friend time. Not too busy to reach out to other possibly lonely women I know. Not too busy to shove the laundry in the bedroom, wipe down bathrooms, and invite friends into my real home, not a magazine page home that looks like no one lives there. I wanted to create a group of friends who were able to share more than texts or posts, who were ready for real human contact, snacks, advice, and the kind of relationships that we are all missing in our miles-wide-but-inches-deep social media-saturated culture. I need real friends. Maybe you are longing for real friends, too. Maybe you are missing friends who hug you, who know what kind of snacks you like, who can share what it's like to be tired but still needing some friend time, and who will take you just as you are. In case you want to create your own Not To Busy group, here's how I went about it: (1) I set my expectations very low. I don't intend to accomplish anything during this time like a craft or movie. It's for talking, but if you bring something to do with your hands, great! Some of us are crafty; some are not. No problem. Dishes still in the sink from dinner? Such is life. Toddler needs to go to bed early? I excuse myself to put him to bed and them come back. I feed the kids an early dinner and then set them loose in the playroom with movies, snacks, all their toys and games, and permission to come out and eat some of the grownup snacks for a few minutes during out two-hour time frame. I am a perfectionist who needed to give myself permission to let my house be less than perfect for friends to see it, or I could not get up the energy to do this every week. I do always clean bathrooms, though! (2) I open my house every week on the same day, at the same time. If my husband happens to be off, he gets to go out with his friends- their wives are at my house anyway. We all get friend time, in that case. This also means that if someone can't make it, they have another chance the following week. (3) I made a contract for my friends to sign. It basically says that whether you are late or on time, bring a snack to share or not, are younger or older, married or single, in jammies or dressed nicely, etc, you are welcome. We are going to be friends who accept each other just as we are. No judgements. We are here to build each other up and to help each other to feel like we belong. Everyone signed it and put email addresses down so I could send out info about our night later. (4) I invited friends from all parts of my life. My school friends, church friends, work friends, police department friends, all of them are mixing together and getting to know each other. Also, only about 25% of my list of people are available on any given night, so I invite 20 and get 5. When school gets out, maybe I'll get a few more at a time. But it seems to have worked out fine each week. (5) Whatever the result, I'm telling myself that whoever needs to be here will come. It's been three weeks, and there were 5 of us the first week, then 2 of us, then 4 of us. But I had so much fun each week with whoever was able to make it! I'm growing closer to these lovely ladies, and developing just the kind of friendships I've been craving. I'm doing life with friends, not just hunkering down and waiting for life to get easier. I can't tell you how many times in three weeks I have heard a friend say, "I thought I was the only one!" You are not the only one, Dear One. You just need to open your house, whatever that looks like, and invite others into your life, just as it is. Then together, we can see that we are not alone. You are not too busy for real friendship.

Learning to Wait Well

I wanted to title this post, "How to Wait Beautifully," but my friends and family read my posts, and at the risk of causing someone to choke or spit coffee out of their nose, I settled on the more humble title you see before you. I want to wait beautifully. I want to be such a patient, beautiful, graceful lady as I wait for things that I could actually title an article "How to Wait Beautifully," but until that day, we are going to wade through the miry, difficult, so-muddy-it-sucks-your-shoe-off, frustrating times of waiting in life together, just as we are, and try to do it better each time. Have you been in a time of waiting like this before? Where you are straining forward with every sinew and fiber, and yet you cannot seem to move to the point where you get to hear the reason, the result, the answer, or even the next step of the plan in front of you? Where you feel unsettled and churned up, tense and tightly strung, and you are desperately trying not to snap as you care for your family with only a tiny pie slice of your brain, the rest consumed with big questions? Whether you are caring for a loved one in the hospital or at home gripped by illness, or waiting on scary lab results, or on a job offer, or buying a home, or expecting a baby, waiting is difficult. It can be exciting, but I'm talking about the painful waiting. How can you wait beautifully when it's hard? When we were waiting to hear about my husband's court case several years ago that resulted from a critical incident, and on which it seemed that our whole future hinged, I kept on thinking to myself, "Don't act in a way you will be embarrassed about later." What would that look like? Maybe being overly emotional with my friends, letting it consume me in every conversation, pouting, being moody everywhere I went, not being a support to my husband in a difficult time. I tell my kids now, "Who we are when we don't get what we want shows who we really are." Am I proud of how I have acted every day of those difficult months? Nope. But overall, the theme of my heart was that God is faithful to me and my family. He is our provider. So my actions, words, things I chose to emphasize when I spoke to others hopefully were glorifying to God, not complaining or whining or causing others to wish they hadn't asked. Now I'm in another season of waiting in my job and my husband's job, and we know, deep down, it will all work out. So what are some ways in which we can make the effort to wait well, so that we are glorifying to God in our waiting? (1) Put the focus on what character traits you want to display instead of whining or getting angry. Patience? Trust? So when you think about your situation, you can come back to "but I trust you, God, and I will wait patiently." (2) Pray constantly. This is part of #1. When I pray right now, I keep praying, "God, do your will in my life. Don't let me get in the way with trying to run my own show. I will trust you, and I will wait patiently." (3) Display what patience looks and sounds like for your family. I have been whining, and it gives my family license to whine. If I do my best to be positive, like when I say, "I'm not sure what is going to happen, but God cares for us and He will give us just what we need," it shows my kids how to wait patiently and trust. (4) Surround yourself with an atmosphere of praise. I write Bible verses on my mirror with dry erase markers, I tape them to my desk, I have post-its on the dash in my car with song lyrics to worship songs, I keep praise music on in the car and at home while I clean or make dinner. My mood is instantly lifted when I start singing along to "When you don't move the mountains I needed you to move.." or "I'll praise you in the storm, and I will lift my hands..." (5) When you talk to friends, what you spend the most time talking about is what you are glorifying. Is it the problem, or is it God? I have a long way to go in learning to wait beautifully, but I'm hoping that in each experience of waiting, God is not just allowing change in my life but changing and growing me through my waiting. I suppose the maker of the world knows what waiting feels like... "Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Colossians 3:12 NLT. "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-5 NLT.

Dinner Is Their Love Language

I have determined what my family's love language is, all of them, and it is dinner. That one wasn't on the list in that book I read, but it should be. My kids wake up in the morning asking what is for dinner, and my husband calls home from work to see what is for dinner. The toddler eats two dinners, one while I'm cooking and then another one when he sees what we are all eating. It's the one job I do for my family that garners the most criticism and also the highest accolades. It's the one everyone notices isn't done when I'm sick, or when it's Nutcracker season for my little ballerina, or in our last head lice epidemic, during which I was too busy washing sheets, vacuuming furniture, and combing heads with that horrible, scalp-removing-but-incredibly-effective metal comb to make anything more than frozen ravioli and chicken nuggets. There have been seasons in my life where it was all I could do to just get any kind of edible food on the table and call it good, and seasons where I was excited to try new recipes and make delicious, made-from-scratch crowd-pleasing meals. I am not a gourmet chef of any kind, and my husband has been known to call my food "consistently edible," which he thinks is a great complement. But I have noticed this in all seasons of my 14 year career of cooking family dinners: it is like an anchor for my family throughout their day to know what we will be having for dinner. Even if it is frozen pizza and carrot sticks, they just can get through the day better with that knowledge. So here are my 5 tips for all the families out there whose love language is dinner: 1) Come up with a simple menu for the week and post it where your family can see it. Even if you write "Kid's Choice" or "Frozen Ravioli and Carrots" or "Corn Dogs and Fruit" it gives them something concrete to look forward to. Now, if it's "BBQ Chicken Pizza with Caesar Salad," my family is in a better mood all day, and that's what I strive for. I just use a little whiteboard on the fridge, but you could probably make something cute to display your menu, or even just write it on your calendar on the wall. The important thing is that your family can see it! 2) Make a list of your ingredients for the week, and shop for all those things in one trip. That way, if you need to switch nights because tacos are faster than broccoli beef and you have a busy day ahead, you still have what you need, and you don't end up stopping for fast food. Planning ahead for meals and looking forward to something yummy for dinner (that we all saw on the menu that morning) has kept my family driving past the drive-thru many times. And probably saved us quite a bit of money, too! 3)Plan your time wisely. If you know you only have two hours to be home and have dinner before someone has to be at a game, lesson, activity or work, pick something simple. Or use that amazing Godsend of an invention, the crock pot! Pulled pork sandwiches are a family favorite in our house, and require nothing more than a pork loin and a bottle of sauce sitting in the crock pot for six hours, some buns, and some veggies or a salad. A store-bought pizza crust, some grated cheese, pepperoni, and pizza sauce baked in the oven for 8-10 minutes and served with a bagged salad has everyone eating and happy in less than 20 minutes. But if you have more time, you can make that amazing Chicken Parmesan recipe you have been eying on Pinterest forever. Planning ahead is the key. 4) Know your family's dinner style. We joke that we are raising our kids on bar food. But seriously, when I make some amazing nachos or homemade pizza, or we grill brats on the grill, they cannot be happier. We also make a ton of Mexican food, since we are Southern CA transplants living in the Pacific Northwest, on a continual quest for decent guacamole and carne asada. My brother's family has been raised on curried crab, quinoa meatloaf, and organic fruits and vegetables. I have several friends with dairy and gluten allergies who have to get creative to feed their family. But if you have a pizza and cheeseburger family like I have, don't try to change them into a quinoa meatloaf family. If dinner is their love language, speak love to them. And substitute ground turkey for beef whenever possible. Also, if you eat around the table, or the coffee table, or on a blanket on the floor, as long as you are together and talking, you will have a better shot at enjoying dinnertime with your family. Confession: My husband is so tired when he gets home from his shift that in this season of our lives, we often just circle around the coffee table to eat together with some kind of family movie or baking championship show on the TV. The toddler (I kid you not) sits on a metal tin that popcorn came in many years ago, but it is the perfect height for him to eat at the coffee table as if it is a normal table. I have given up the struggle of trying to always eat at the dinner table like I did growing up, and my family is together, sharing about their day and enjoying their food on actual dishes, with actual cups and silverware. A table is a table. Or a blanket, as the case may be. But we are facing each other, and that's what matters. 5) Spend time looking for meals your family will love. It is not a waste of your time to relax on the couch with a cup of coffee, a new cookbook, and some post-it-notes. Or a magazine. Or even Pinterest, but try to stay focused on your purpose! I love The Pioneer Woman because she cooks food my family will actually eat and enjoy, and her recipes aren't too difficult or time-consuming for this busy working mama of 3. I have a full Pinterest page that I named "Food!", but I do try to print out any recipes that got applause at the table and put them into my cookbook binder. My reason for not relying on my phone or computer to manage all my recipes is this: I want to be able to pass my recipes on to my daughters and son. When they are grown, and they ask, "Where is the recipe for that amazing broccoli beef with noodles that you and Dad used to make?", I don't want to say, "It was on Pinterest, but it's not there anymore," or "there is no more Pinterest." Who knows? But I make several favorite recipes now that were passed down to me, like my Grandma's chocolate chip cookies, and my mom's chicken curry, and I would have missed not having them! So if you can, take some time to collect recipes that look good, that are within your abilities as a cook, and that your family would really love, and actually make them. Be inspired by the pictures, remember that planning what to feed your family is meaningful and important, and you get to put off tackling that mountain of dirty clothes for half an hour! You love your family, I know you do, and planning and cooking meals that will make them feel loved and cared for is just one beautiful way to show them. To get you started, I going to give you two of my fast, favorite, anyone-can-cook recipes that never leave leftovers (sad, because I would love to eat them again at work tomorrow!). Each serves a family of 4-5. Shredded Chicken Pasta (Not a great name; if you come up with a better one, let me know.) You need: 4 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded, 1 24 oz. jar marinara sauce, 1 15 oz. jar alfredo sauce, 1 8 oz. jar basil pesto sauce, and 1-2 boxes pasta, cooked according to the directions (any shape is fine, but we prefer bowtie). 2 boxes make this recipe stretch to feed 8 or so people without making extra sauce. You just serve a little less sauce on each serving of noodles. In a large pan, combine shredded chicken and all three sauces. Stir to combine. You can add a little garlic powder, salt, oregano, or pepper, but it isn't really necessary. Heat until just bubbly. Serve over cooked noodles with a side of garlic bread, salad, or both if you're really feeling fancy. Ranch Tacos You need: 1 package ground turkey, 1 can black beans, 1/2 of a chopped onion (optional), 1 package ranch seasoning, 1 package chicken taco seasoning, 1 box of 12 crunchy taco shells, and taco fixings: grated cheese, sour cream, shredded lettuce, hot sauce, cilantro, etc. In a large pan, brown turkey and onion, if using. Add beans, both seasoning packets, and 1/2 a cup of water. Cook for a few more minutes until beans are hot. Bake taco shells according to directions, usually at 350 for 8 minutes. Serve meat mixture in shells and top with whatever toppings you like. Serve with sides of rice and corn. Enjoy loving your family at dinnertime, and let me know how you like our family's favorite foods! Or share a fast favorite of your own!

How To Avoid A Political Argument

"The gospel doesn't need a soapbox; it needs a table." My pastor has been saying this every week this month, and I love it, because it feels like every other person has a soapbox to stand on today. I can't go anywhere without someone trying to lure me into some kind of political argument, and I am pretty much done with it. I did my battling with a pen and a ballot, and now I would like to move on. But so many are not ready to move on, and they want to continue to wage war with everyone they meet, whether it is in the school parking lot, the grocery store, the ballet studio, or the coffee shop. People who I want to enjoy time with, and talk about other aspects of life with, are stuck in an angry place. It's true that we can't speak into someone's life without a basis of relationship, so if you are in a friendship with someone or just stuck in line with them, and you are not in agreement politically, hopefully the following will help everybody move forward and we can again enjoy the art of conversation. Maybe even rediscover friendly banter. 1) Arguing is foolish. You aren't going to change anyone's mind by loudly disagreeing with them, interrupting, or getting red in the face. Save that behavior for the hockey rink, and find some civility. 2 Timothy 2:14 says "Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels." 2) Twice is enough. If you persist in bringing up a topic that causes an argument, you are now nagging, hounding, irritating, and otherwise causing problems. If you have tried a couple of times to change a friend's mind about something, it's time to drop it if you want to stay friends. Proverbs 26:21 says "As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife." I would rather fuel a friendship than a fire with my words. 3) Know what is sacred. When you have a good friend (and want to keep them), know what hill they are willing to die on, and stay away from it. Friends do not need to agree on everything, and while you should be able to talk about what is meaningful to you, if you notice that they get heated whenever you bring up something in particular, don't bring it up. If they ask you, which implies that they are open to your opinion, by all means, go there, but only if invited. This is also a huge sign of respect, when they know you don't agree but you are willing to set the issue aside in favor of the relationship. Proverbs 17:14 says "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." 4) Use gentle words. If you just don't want to get sucked into an argument, you can gently and kindly say, "I'd rather not talk about this. It seems like we just need to agree to disagree." Or, "I can see that you feel really strongly about this. I think we should probably talk about something else." And then change the subject. Hopefully they will be willing to move on. Proverbs 17:27 says "The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered." I'd love to be known as a woman who is wise, understanding, and even-tempered. I feel that I probably have a long way to go, but at least there is a road map laid out for me to follow in God's Word, and if I don't refer to it, I'll soon be lost. I'll end with my favorite verse about words, and one of the earliest ones I taught to my girls when they were just old enough to talk: "Pleasant words are a honeycomb; sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24. May your words be sweet and full of wisdom today, drawing others to the table!

10 Signs That You Are Raising Police Children

You know you are raising children in a police family when... 1. The toddler only has six small toy cars, and five of them are police vehicles. The other car is referred to by the older children as "the bad guy." 2. The kids tiptoe around the house after school and ask "When will Daddy wake up?" When you remind them that he has just switched to day shift, they commence playing basketball indoors and banging on the piano. 3. They tell their friends the difference between jail and prison. 4. They tell their friends "My dad doesn't put people in jail. They put themselves there!" 5. When other kids say, "My dad is stronger than your dad," they just chuckle. 6. The toddler's vocabulary includes badge, radio, gun-we-don't-touch, and American Flag. 7. When we pass other patrol cars on the road, the kids ask, "Who was it?" 8. They can sit at a table with all of their closest friends and eat huge pieces of cake in absolute silence, because it is a swearing-in and not a birthday party, and they all know the difference. 9. They can accept without tears that Dad can't make it to their awards ceremony at school, but they are over-the-moon excited in the rare event that he can. 10. They are incredibly protective and incredibly proud of their dad and what he does. Anyone who thinks otherwise is just not thinking clearly.

When Facing the Future

This month marks four years since my grandpa left this world to be with Jesus. He was an incredible man of faith, and as I sat in church this morning singing the words to a song he never knew but fully lived out, I felt the powerful emotions of missing him tug my heart up into my throat. I hate crying in in front of other people, but the older I get, the more it just happens. I thought, "I hate this choking feeling, and I don't want to cry right now, or miss my grandpa this much, but I know what happens to me next." That's when I felt God's loving but firm presence in my heart say, "I am Next." And then it hit me, like God speaking out of the burning bush to Moses, that He is always what is next. What about what will happen next in my husband's job? God says "I am next." What if I can't afford for my kids to continue at their amazing private school, even though we have worked so hard to keep them there? God says "I am next." All the questions I have about my family's future, what my kids will do when they grow up, if my husband will be safe as he does his job, each has the same answer from my Heavenly Father: "I am Next. Don't worry about tomorrow. I am always what is next for you. All you have to do is trust me." In my study Bible I have underlined the passage that my Grandma continually quoted during my Grandpa's last week on this earth, 2 Corinthians 5:1-7. As the doctors helped her make arrangements for Grandpa's body, she would say, "It's his earthly tent. I know he won't be in it anymore; he won't need it. You do what you need to do. He's going home to Jesus." She knew that what was next for Grandpa was to be home with Jesus, not to be confined to an expired body. I have a glorious future in Christ, better than what I could plan out, organize, and prepare for myself. Something beautiful and exciting is always what is next for me, as his dearly loved daughter. "For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up in life. Now it is God who made us for this very purpose and has given his Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight" -2 Corinthians 5:4-7.

Having a Big Picture View

I was over at a friend's new house, putting together a crib for her daughter to sleep in that night, and realizing the need for The Big Picture. When a metaphor for my life comes to me, it often smacks me in the face like the falling side of a crib which I failed to fully screw together. There I was, with pretty good directions in at least three languages, and I still managed somehow to screw not just one piece together wrong, but two different sections on both sides of the crib. All my work of an hour, all wrong, because in reading only the step by step directions, I did not turn back to the first page, the big picture of the fully assembled crib. If I had, I would have seen that the sides curved outward, not inward, and had several holes for the mattress base to screw into, holes which were nowhere to be seen on my incorrectly assembled sides. I fought the impulse to scream some non-PG words, took a few deep breaths, and picked up the screwdriver to start over. Then a crib rail fell onto my foot. Then I really started over, but I made sure to check the picture repeatedly, and the crib finally was ready for Baby Bailey to sleep in that night in her new house. But I do this all the time in my life, proceeding with a bit of a plan of how to correct my kids' behavior, or bad attitudes, and what I'm really providing is just a behavioral band-aid. "Say you are sorry." Five minutes later, "say you are sorry" again. "This time, you have to clean the toys up yourself and say you are sorry." "Now you get to just go to bed." And what did anybody learn? That if we aren't nice, we repeat the same apology until mom gets really mad and sends us to bed? Where is the big picture for this? I'm following the steps but it's just getting messier! The big picture is God, and his plan for my family is love, and joy, and peace, and patience, and all the other fruit that somehow seems to be hanging on the tree just out of our reach. How do we arrive at a loving, peaceful family without all the screws coming loose, the side rails coming off, and painful bruises from where we collide with each other? 1. Read what the Bible has to say about families, and children, and discipline. Do a search of the word "child" or "children" in Proverbs and read everything that comes up! 2. The big picture is a family that loves each other and that loves others like Jesus loves. All training should have this in mind, then, like finding ways to serve others when selfishness is the problem, or like finding ways to encourage when hurtful words are the problem. 3. Pray as a family, to ask God to help you be more loving and kind. It's a new year, a great time for new habits. If you don't pray together at meals or bedtime, you can start now to do that. "What are you thankful for today?" is a great question to start off a family prayer time. 4. Be consistent about discipline and just as consistent about praise. Be loving with your family, and they will be more loving with each other. My kids mirror what I do and say. It begins with me. 5. Keep moving forward. We are going to make mistakes. If we have a terrible day, tomorrow is a new day to try again with God's help. God's mercies are new every morning, and his grace is enough for each day. The big picture is a loving family who treats each other with kindness, and we can accomplish it!

Finding Real Friends

Let's face it, we need each other right now. It feeds my soul to sit down with a good friend and a cup of coffee, and just share life. My worries over where our world is headed, my questions about how to deal with the newest stage of my children's lives, or what color I should paint my kitchen, from big to small, monumental to incidental, I need a friend to share them with. My husband can't be my only friend, even though he is my best one! Also, he does not care about kitchen colors! My friendships ebb and flow with the seasons of my life; some friends are there to stay through it all, and some are just for a season. Right now I seem to be making new friends every time I turn around, which is really fun! But is there more to it than that? How can you create an intentional group of women who can do more than just chat about kitchen colors, a group that can share the really deep things and connect on a heart level? I like to begin by thinking through my friends and asking, who can I trust? Who doesn't share the secrets of others with me? (Which implies that they would not share my secrets with others!) Who has a desire to connect? Some people are fun to talk to, but don't really want to share anything deeper. That's okay, and maybe you should include them anyway and give them a chance to open up. And who makes me want to be a better person, who I believe will not push our time into gossiping or husband-bashing? Who do I see around me who might need this group even more than I do? Who needs to be drawn in? Next, what can you do together that will facilitate sharing and deeper conversation? I am a hands-on person, and enjoy trading parenting tips, marriage stories, and life wisdom over a pottery-painting session, mosaic-making evening, beading class, or sewing time. One evening, our church gathered women together and provided us with fleece blanket kits to make together for foster children. We cut the fringe and tied all those tiny knots, talking and making friends in small groups as we worked on our blankets, and thinking about the precious children who would receive them. A friend I connected with during that evening became my my biggest cheerleader and mentor on my book-writing adventure. Another time, I gathered a group of police wives from our department at a local bead store and we created blue beaded bracelets we could wear in honor of our husbands, with charms on them that had words like "courage," "integrity," and "strength." We shared a lot of police wife stories, advice, and encouragement over that table, and we all left feeling like our burdens were a bit lighter now that we had shared them with women who understood. You may not enjoy doing crafts, and just want to get friends together over a yummy informal dinner of delicious appetizer foods that everyone brings, or have after-dinner snacks around a backyard fire pit, or go for a long walk in a group, or sit around the playroom or playground once a week while the little ones play in the middle. No matter what you do, make it intentional that there will be no badmouthing allowed, and let the good talks roll. Who can you draw into your circle of friends today? What kinds of things will your group do together? How often will you meet? All that is up to you. But begin today, and soon you will see around you a group of women you can count on, share life with, and be thankful for. Real friends. Isn't that what we all need right now?

How Do I Get Through Today?

I don't watch the news, so it always starts with a phone call from my husband. "Did you hear what happened in Baton Rouge?" My heart drops into my stomach. "No." "Three more were killed." And then I ask if he's okay, and tell him I'm sorry, and we say we love each other and hang up. And now, with the whole day still ahead of me until he comes home and I can see his face, hold him, and be certain I am not a widow today, I have to figure out how to be okay. If you are a police wife, these are times we need each other in our law enforcement family. Everyone else we know feels sad, and feels that the world is falling apart, but that doesn't quite touch how we feel. A man just like our husband went to work to do what our husband does, wearing the uniform our husband wears, and was killed for it. Now a woman just like us with kids just like ours will wait for her husband to come home so she can hold him and know that she is not a widow today, except he won't come. Other officers will come to her door, deliver the horrible news, and she will have to tell her children that their father will not ever come home again, that the evil today was more than he could fight off, and that they will not see him again on this side of heaven. My heart comes unraveled for her, for those children,and for the days ahead of them. I think of her while I do the dishes, and wonder if she will be able to find peace and comfort. I pray for her like I know her, and I plead that she and her children will be provided for, that there will be strength and comfort for them today. The loss is personal, the tears flow, and my heart aches. So how can I get through today? After talking with a few police wife friends, this is what we have to offer you, in case you are crying over your kitchen sink like we are. 1. Grieve. Cry. This is our family, our brothers and sisters, not just a news story. We don't have to be fine. This is our loss too, and it hurts. 2. Unplug. Get the details of the story that you need, and then stop reading about it or watching it unfold. It just makes my blood pressure skyrocket to hear the comments of people who don't understand, or who want us to feel sorry for murderers. Turn it off. 3. Connect with friends who understand. Now is not the time to listen to the advice of people who don't get it. I can tell my best friend, who happens to be a police wife, that I am sad, and she doesn't tell me that at least it hasn't happened near us yet. We both know geography is no safety net. We can be angry about it to each other without needing to post all our thoughts on Facebook. We can cry together, hug each other, and be a comfort. 4. Pray. Nothing is going to fix this mess but God, since he is the only one who has the power to change hearts. Pray that the people who hate the police would have a change of heart, that God would convict their hearts of sin, that he would protect the officers who are doing all they can to protect us all, and that he would comfort the widows, the children, and the families of the fallen officers. Pray that God would keep your heart at peace, that he would free you from the anxiety that threatens to strangle you sometimes, and that you would be able to show his love and compassion to the people around you. Our pastor said on Sunday that it is our response to deep hurts that will influence the hearts of others. 5. Save your wisdom for people who will hear it. There are a lot of foolish people out there spouting off a lot of nonsense about why this is happening. Idiots are going to keep on being idiots even in the face of reason. Don't bother trying to enlighten people like that. Some people actually want to understand things like evidence, facts, and statistics, and those are the ones you can talk to. Leave the rest alone. 6. Have hope. There will be justice, but this world is broken and fallen, and sometimes justice will not be served until Act II. God is not slow, forgetful, or political. His justice will be swift and complete when his time is right. We have to rest in that knowledge when it seems that wicked people are having their way in the world. The story is not over, but when it is, you can be sure that everyone will reap what they have sowed, and there will be justice.

10 Things I Learned About Perseverance From a Very Young Unicycler

I'm biting my nails and I may not have any eyebrows left soon, since I keep pulling on them. My eight-year-old has just three more weeks to make the unicycle club in time for the school circus. Just three short weeks to pedal her way all around the perimeter of the gym, and if she cannot, well, I'm not going there right now because my mama bear heart cannot fathom the depths of pain and disappointment that will result. For now, I'm focusing on persevering, because she is our Mighty Mouse, small but brave, bright, adventurous, and hilarious. Everything she does is to the utmost degree, every day to her is the best day ever, and she has attacked unicycling with the single-minded determination of Patton in Europe. But she keeps falling. And falling. And falling. I have seen her fall hundreds of times, in so many hard crashes that I think she'll need new kneecaps before she reaches 5th grade. But what I have learned about persevering from watching her has challenged my heart and made me wish I could be like her. 1. When you fall, get up as fast as you can. That way you have more time to work on getting better before time runs out. 2. Keep your tears for in the car. Don't waste time crying during practice. 3. Some people will start after you and finish first. That hurts, but it doesn't mean you aren't any good. 4. You will be covered in bruises. That is part of learning. 5. Sometimes you can go all the way across the gym, but no one sees. Somehow, they all see when you fall right away. Keep going. 6. Every day, you get a little better, but only if you show up for practice. 7. Pedal just a little further than you think you can, and your balance may fix itself. 8. When you look at what other people are doing that is better than you, you fall. Focus on your own work. 9. Don't pay attention to people who tell you to give up, or who say unkind things. Show them they are wrong when you succeed. 10. Say "I can. I can. I can." That little engine knew what he was talking about. Go get it, Girl. And when you do, come and give your Mama a big hug. I'm rooting for you!

How to Shine

My husband laughs at me whenever I tell him what I think about while I weed the garden, do the laundry, or in the most recent case, clean the toilets. He says, "Who thinks about that while they clean the bathroom?" I say, "I do. So there must be other people. I'm not that original." Here was my thought while on my knees in the bathroom, wiping down the sides and underbelly of the childrens' toilet, holding my breath and trying to work quickly. Why is it that the grossest, most humbling jobs of taking care of our household seem to require that we be on our knees? It is a posture that forces a humble attitude. Some people do not stoop to clean toilets. They pay someone to do it. I know, because I cleaned houses for a time, a very humbling experience. So now, in cleaning my own family's bathrooms, when I find myself on my knees, my thoughts wander from what I am doing to the humble posture. I have heard others talk about the holy calling of motherhood, and what a sacred work we do in raising a generation to follow Jesus. They don't generally talk about toilets. But I'm going to, for just a minute longer. On my knees, whether cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing food off of the floor below the high chair, cleaning spilled soda off of the living room rug, or wiping up the wood floor after my naked toddler decided to mark his territory before the bath, I have a chance to be grumbling or thankful. There is a lot of dirty work mixed into this sacred calling, and we are the ones holding the sponge. We can complain about the spills, the stains, the mess, or we can thank God for this family we've been entrusted with. We can take the opportunity, while already on our knees, to ask God for help in displaying his great love and care to our family. We can, as my mom said of my grandpa, who served for years as a Christian camp manager, choose not to distinguish between the secular and the sacred, and do all our work to the glory of God. Dishes, laundry, dinners, and bathing little ones are all sacred work when we allow God's love to shine through us as we serve our families. Philippians 2:14-16 says, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life." Colossians 3:23-24 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Tech Time Cards for Responsible Kids

Are you looking for a way to manage your kids' technology use at home? We are always looking for ways to teach our kids to manage themselves, and after lots of conversations with other parents, and reaching a point of frustration with our own kids and the whining for more game time, we settled on a system that is working well for us. Maybe it can work for you, too! 1. Determine expectations. In our home, any homework and chores had to be done first before technology could be used. We wanted our kids to play with their toys, dress-up, and with each other more than we wanted them using the computer and XBOX. We wanted our kids to be able to manage their own time on the devices and not depend on us to tell them when to start and stop. 2. Decide on how much time is acceptable in your family. As expectations vary by family, so will time. We have a ten-year-old daughter and a seven-year-old daughter who both love to dress up and pretend- farm, cafe, diner, vet's office, etc. They love to play with their little plastic Disney figurines in elaborately plotted, hour-long plays with as complex a story line as any Hollywood movie. They love to scooter in the driveway, ride bikes, jump rope, and draw with sidewalk chalk. They love to do crafts. These things are important to them, but the XBOX Kinect is fun and alluring, and when the system recently moved into their playroom after my husband upgraded to a new system, it was an ever-present challenge to their normal creative play. For us, three 15 minute XBOX sessions, two 20 minute computer sessions, and an extra 15 minutes of XBOX play to be used when a friend is over during the week seemed like plenty of time (Times given are per child). If your family needs more time, give them more time. Or less. It's your family. You know them best. 3. Decide when time can be used. We have ballet and piano, friends over, and church activities during the week, not to mention homework and reading time, so we chose not to allow the XBOX to be used during the week, unless it was the friend pass. The kids love Brain Pop, PBSkids.org, and other educational sites for their computer time, so they are able to redeem those minutes during the week. The cards are given out on Monday, and any used cards are placed in a special spot in the kitchen. My kids will bring the cards to me and let me know they are using their time, and all I have to do is say okay. They fire up the XBOX or the computer and set the timer. When Monday rolls around again, I return all used cards back to them to use again. 4. Revisit the system occasionally to see how it is working, or if it requires any adjustments. I asked my older daughter what she thought of it, since it seemed to be running smoothly for the first two weeks we used it. She said that she really liked it, because she got to choose when she could play, instead of checking with me. If she wanted to play 45 minutes of XBOX on Saturday, that was her choice, but if she wanted to spread out her time, she could do that, too. She felt that she was more in control of her time and her choices. Several weeks into it, however, she was supposed to be using a friend pass with her cousins, and she used up all of their time "showing them how to play." I let the cousins continue to play but I confiscated one of her passes from the next week. She agreed that the consequence was fair and moved on (Yay!). My younger daughter likes the system because she knows she gets just as much time on the game as her older sister, and fairness is so important to little sisters! I love seeing my kids gain life skills, and this taught them a few: time management, budgeting, and responsibility. It also is a great measurement of integrity- are they setting the timer accurately? Are they turning in their cards when they use them? Are all the used cards still on the counter at the end of the week? I hope they are in your family as well. Honor is a crucial character quality, and this system depends on it. I am counting our tech time cards a success, and I hope this is something you can implement as you teach your kids to use technology in moderation, to value face-to-face human relationships above electronic entertainment, and to prioritize their time according to their values. None of these are an easy task in our culture today, but our kids, the people they will grow up to become, and the people they will grow up to love are all worth it. Don't give up on them now because it's tough! Press on, Mama! If you like this idea, or if you are able to use it in your family, post a comment below to let me know how it works for you!

From Herding Kittens To Getting Out The Door In The Morning In Peace

I'm going to confess something to you: I am a poor manager of my time. I drive my husband crazy because I can't seem to get ready on time, and having three children did not help me become any more punctual. We lived in a house five minutes from school and my girls still had an embarrassing number of tardies. Shame on mama. Not to mention that my older daughter, who already was an anxious little thing, would always ask, no matter where we were going, "Mama, are we late?" And that I was growing tired of feeling frantic, and wanted to say sweet, encouraging things to my kids in the morning to send them off on their way besides "Hurry! Hurry!" Something had to give. Two years later, which included a long term subbing position at the school, a new baby, and a move further out of town, I am happy to say that we are on time every day. I don't tell my kids to hurry. And best of all, our mornings are peaceful, which means my kids generally head into school with smiles and a spring in their step, so I'm going to share some of our systems with you. Your kids deserve to have a happy start to their day, too, and it doesn't take more work from you, so you can take a breath and relax! 1. It starts with the clock. Figure out how much time it actually takes to get up, get ready, eat breakfast, pack lunches, load into the car, and complete your drive to school. Then set the alarm accordingly. I need a 10 minute cushion to snooze, so I add that in and set my alarm ten minutes earlier than I actually want to step out of bed. My girls also have an alarm clock for themselves, and must get up to it. If not, I come in with a spray bottle of water. I have only had to do that once! 2. We start getting ready the day before. When the kids complete their homework, it gets signed and then they put everything back in their backpacks and hang them up on the hooks by their door. Their coats and gloves are also hanging there, right where they placed them when they got home from school. Their shoes are in their own bins in the front closet, easy to locate and match before heading out the door, right where they put them when they got home from school. Their clothes are often already chosen and placed in a stack in their room, ready to dress in the morning without having to spend time making decisions, which is difficult enough for two young girls! Please notice that I am not doing this! I trained them, over a period of weeks with reminders, to put things where they belong so that they are in the right spot when they need them next. This is a life skill, and it is never too early to train kids to put things away where they belong! Toddlerhood is the best time, but if you are having to start now, a daily inspection, followed by lots of praise when they get it right and gentle guidance when they don't, is usually enough to get them on track. 3. I set them up for success in the kitchen. When I clean up dinner, I often put favorite leftovers into small containers and set them in the front of the fridge so the kids can grab them for lunches in the morning. I keep a plastic bin on a low shelf with all the small containers and lids they need to pour snack-size portions of cereal, fish crackers, pretzels, etc. On another low shelf I have the snack basket, which I stock with granola bars, baggies of cereal, crackers, and other dry foods they might want for breakfast or to pack in their lunches. In the fridge, again on a low shelf, there are fruit cups, yogurt, string cheese, lunch meat, sugar snap peas, and other things they like to eat at school. In the cabinets, the peanut butter and bread are within their reach. This has all been planned out with one goal in mind: my kids need to be able to pack their own lunches. For most of last year, I was nursing a baby, and it was incredibly helpful for my other children to be able to help themselves in the morning. I wondered why I hadn't thought of it before! What I love now is the cooperation I see in the morning between them, as one child sometimes fills both lunch bags with snacks and the other takes care of the waffles in the toaster. Not only are they learning to be independent, but also to look out for and be considerate of each other. Meanwhile, I can feed the toddler and dress him, write notes to put in their lunches, and inspect their lunches to make sure they are packing veggies, protein, etc. and not just three different kinds of breakfast cereal. 4. I changed my language. When my kids were smaller, we had a list that a teacher sent home that hung on the front door knob. It had cute little pictures of a backpack, shoes, clothes, a toothbrush, and so on for asking if all of those tasks had been completed before heading out the door. It was perfect, and so helpful for the little ones, but my big girls eventually became offended that I would ask them to check the pictures before leaving the house. And I am avoiding saying "Hurry! Hurry!" My girls still need gentle reminders to keep moving forward, but now they sound like this: "What do you still need to do?" or "What time is it, ladies?" They check themselves, or the clock, and keep moving. Granted, some mornings need a little more forceful prodding if we had a little too much fun the night before, and my gentle voice turns to "Shoes!" "Brush!" "Coat!" so we can make it out the door. But no yelling, and no hurrying. That's my personal goal. 5. I embraced who my family is. We need to have a cushion of time to hit the snooze once. We need to have some things ready the night before because only the seven-year-old is really a morning person. You might not need to do these things, but knowing who your family is and what they need to get moving with happy hearts in the morning is the jumping-off point for any system that will work for you. Whether you need to set your clocks earlier than the actual time, or tell yourself it takes longer to get somewhere than it really does, or wear your pajamas to drop your kids off, I'm not judging. In fact, I have done all of the above. But figure out what it will take, and then set everyone up for success, including yourself. Proverbs 31:27-28 says, "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her." My kids may not be sitting in the car calling me Blessed, but they are no longer asking, "Mama, are we late?" **Sometimes people ask my husband and I about our parenting, because we have kids who are usually obedient and fun to be around. We are doing the best we can by the grace of God, we often make mistakes, and there is no formula for a perfect family. That being said, we also do some deliberate things to try set ourselves and our kids up for success. We try to use the Bible as our authority, common sense, and the advice of wise people God has placed around us. We believe that we need to look long term in our parenting toward the kind of people we would like our children to be one day when they are grown, people who love and serve God and the people around them. I also read a lot of books about parenting, and I'll give you the titles of two of my absolute favorites: Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller; and On Becoming Childwise: Parenting Your Child from Three to Seven Years by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. We have certainly not arrived, but we are on a journey. God bless you as you pursue Him on your own parenting journey!